Christmas Eve and restless

6am Christmas Eve morning...couldn't sleep. I've either slept too much the last couple of days or it's the wondering...the what if's...the swarm of thoughts filling my head that woke me up early this morning. I typically need more sleep than anyone I know (I'm talking like a good 10-11 hours would be perfect!), but I can't right now. Hate to say it, hate to think it, but I'm wondering if anything will happen today. If any phone call will come our way. I know I said I wasn't going to hold my breath and I'm not. I'm just innocently wondering. I keep thinking, what is our future child doing right now? He/She (although I'm feeling "he") is alive. Breathing, crying, squirming. I just desperately need a little face to put to all my thoughts. If that little face could come today, that would be simply amazing. Here's to a long day. I'm sure I will be crashed out for a lovely afternoon nap at some point. Happy Holidays to you all!

Some good news

Josh talked with our agency this morning and we are #2 on the waiting list!! We were told around the first of the year we SHOULD have a referral....maybe, just maybe around Xmas. Wow. We have been worried and concerned with issues that had arisen concerning our agency and I still have a lot of doubt and uncertainty, but we are moving ahead and staying put. We are so close. The owner of the agency is in Ethiopia right now working hands on with the orphanages to make sure things get in order and that the families waiting on the correct paperwork can get that.

We are so excited and can not wait to get this phone call. Having an idea of when helps boost our spirits so much. I'm going to focus on January and not hold my breath for a Xmas referral. I don't want to be disappointed. This way, if it does come early it will be the best Xmas ever.

Over the weekend, I saw photos of the babies in the orphanages our agency works with. Beautiful, beautiful babies and children. I can't wait for them all to find homes. I wonder if we've already seen ours. Such a weird feeling.

By the way, this necklace pictured is available for purchase at http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vt_related_1&listing_id=36981304. I bought one!

A little rambling...

We did a little browsing this weekend in the baby section at Nebraska Furniture Mart. Just a good idea to get a number of what this is all going to cost. Our plan is to not go baby crazy with getting furniture and gadgets we don't need. I want to keep it as simple as possible.

So, I'm back to the decluttering (yes, we really have/had that much stuff) and we just did a big room rearrangement so we can clear out one of our bedrooms for a baby room. Painting our home office is on the agenda this week. Good thing, as I'll be spending a lot of time at home once we are parents and being able to work at home when I need to is an amazing luxury.

In the middle of all these little home projects, I have been reading. I love reading and for about 5 years I quit reading books altogether. I had gotten so caught up in running a business I never made the time. Now, I find the time and I realize how much I missed out on. Being able to read, escape and draw up images in my mind from someone else's word...I love it! I recently finished, There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene.

Let me just say that I fell in love with this book. It's about an Ethiopian woman that opens her heart and home to orphans. This was an emotional read and I cried my way through and felt like I had taken a journey when I was finished. In continuing to read about Africa, I'm onto Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan.

This week we are hitting the coldest weather yet for the season. This is when this long winter wait is really annoying. I'm missing spring and summer badly. Evenings of sitting on my porch with a glass of wine or taking the dogs for a walk. I barely can get that in during the winter as it's dark by the time we are home. Oh, spring...you hold so much hope for us. I guess all these home projects couldn't happen at a better time. I need to stay busy so I don't dwell on this wait!

Someday...

Dear baby(ies),

Someday today will be shared with you. Someday our anticipation will be no more. Someday I will not wake up wondering as my first thought of the day and my last moment before sleep washes over me. Someday I will hold you, squeeze you, kiss you all over. Someday we will remember now and you'll understand how much you are loved and wanted. Someday you will grow up strong and healthy and know and love your country as much as we do. Someday you will ask questions and I will too. Someday you will be here with us. Flesh, bones, smiles, laughter, YOU. Someday will be the most breathtaking, wonderful moments of our lives. Someday we will wonder no more. Someday...we will know.

Past the 6 month mark

Wednesday marked our 6 month anniversary in our adoption journey. Six months ago we decided to adopt and file paperwork with an agency. Six months later, here we are. Waiting. Just in the right spot as we should be. We were holding our breath on Thursday because when we got on the waiting list, that was Josh's guess of the day we were getting a referral. I think we'll have a referral by Xmas. Or, I should say I HOPE we have a referral by Xmas.

This has been a pretty good week. Feeling more positive than the last couple of weeks. Getting used to the transition of working in the same office as Josh. Our rental house is almost ready to rent out. The sun has been shining this week. I'm feeling pretty calm and collected right now.

The calmness after the storm...

There is a reason for this.

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Looking for something...hope? Or, maybe just sleep? Our trip to Boulder was fun, but full of problematic scenarios. Work didn't quite give us a break for those few days. We returned in a daze and with desperation to make some necessary changes to save our sanity...and our business.

Last Wednesday, while we were on our trip, Josh asked me to give up my office that my marketing team works out of (which happens to be a house Josh and I own) and move into his office house to save money for the business. Smart decision as it will save us money in return and we can rent out this house and still make a good investment for us. By Saturday, the move was complete. Thank GOD for the amazing family of co workers we have. We are so grateful for these people and for jumping in at the last minute to help with the move. This was hard for me. Everyone who knows me knows I like my space. I have a very set way of decorating and arranging my world so that I can be productive and creative. Letting go of this office space was the end of an era. Now, we're working back in the same office. Just like the beginning. Just like how we met and became us. I do have to say, it makes me nostalgic and excited at the same time to have a new era beginning. This is good. I could use something fun right now. Fun hasn't been the theme the last few days. This week we had to let go or drastically cut back about 1/2 of our employees and let me just say that we have about 15 employees so this took a huge chunk out of our team. This is personal. This is like family. This hurts. We don't want to let anyone down. We tried to do everything we could to avoid this. Now, we are another statistic of this freakin' economy downslide. I have been sad about this, mad about this, distraught about this, depressed about this and just plain pissed off about this. I know I need to have faith this will turn around. Come spring, I'm sure we'll have the business back and we can slowly bring everyone back into the fold...I think...I hope. I want to stop thinking about it. I want Josh to stop stressing about it and be able to sleep at night. Small business world. So different than the corporate world. So much more personal.

So, the last 5 days have been work during the day and get our other house ready to rent out after work.

I've been following the adoption online groups this week and seeing some serious problems with families getting stuck in the adoption bureaucratic madness of paperwork. So many children that families are waiting on to come home are not "paper ready" which basically means more waiting, more stress, more tears and more insanity for those families. I'm getting discouraged by reading these posts but I'm also seeing the strength that one has to take on in an international adoption process. I know we'll take each step as it comes as we have no other choice, but in the mist of our personal chaos in other aspects of our lives this just feels like another beat down. Maybe it's just this week, maybe it's just this day, but I definitely need to see a little face very soon to put some of my anxiousness at ease. Or perhaps, I should find the time to turn all of this off for a few days and just live. Quite checking on the adoption. Reach out to the numerous friends I've faded away from recently. If any of you are reading this, I apologize. I've just put my head down and haven't looked up and tried to jump over the hurdles that have come our way recently. I wish I was better at reaching out right now, but I'm just hibernating to get my soul back up to par.

The world works in mysterious ways and I'm just floating through them right now knowing that how this is going to happen is how it's going to happen and there is a reason for that. A very important life changing reason. Our child.

Ahh..Boulder

So, we hit the road this week and headed to one of our favorite places...Boulder, Co. A few days away is just what we needed to exhale and put in some good self exploration and thinking time.

Maybe someday we'll make our way to a home here...we'll see. In the meantime, just enjoying the last few months of just the two of us.

Coffee fundraiser

A family that I've met in Lawrence that is also adopting from Ethiopia is raising money for their adoption by selling coffee.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheLovins

Coffee is the biggest export out of Ethiopia so this ties in nicely with adopting from this country.

If you read the About info on this company, the guy who owns it also adopted from Ethiopia.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/about.htm

I love this idea and just had to share! I will definitely be purchasing my coffee here.

You can also purchase just one bag one time if you click on the image of the coffee you want and ignore the membership portion at the top.

Happy coffee drinking!

A little practice never hurt anyone

This weekend we have taken on an adventure. My niece and nephews have stayed with us. We've had them since 4:46pm (exactly :) on Friday and they will be going back this evening. Normally, we only take them for 1 night at a time, but we were up for the challenge of a 6, 8 and 11 year old all weekend. Well, technically we only had Jake (11) for 1 night. Generally, I'm ready for them to hustle out the door when my sister picks them up. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore them, but in the past I'm just ready for "ME" time again much sooner after a night with the kiddos. This time around it's different. In all my preparation to become a parent, I've just naturally accepted this weekend as real life. A big "WHAT IF?" Being older it's much easier as they can keep themselves busier than an infant would, but I've found this weekend to be a delight. Yes, a delight. I've answered about 536 questions on every topic imaginable. Then, sit back and giggle as they come up with their own answers.

I would have to say that given the situation, if we get referred more than 1 child, we could and would definitely do this. My niece and nephews make me enjoy the little moments more. Take yesterday for example. A day out at the dog park. A 2 hour adventure in nature. We hiked, we jumped over mud pits, we climbed rocks, caught frogs...just stopped living any other moment than what was happening. Right then, right there. There I was sitting on the rocks by the water, the sun warming my face and the sounds of them..."Look I caught another one!" It was a glimpse into my future. A glimpse that made me forget about work, about a messy house, about email and ReLive products...just a sunny Saturday afternoon and I loved every moment of it. Every.

Deep in thought

Confused. Deep in thought. Biting my lip. This is how I'm spending my Sunday evening. I just read some posts on our Yahoo group from other families with our agency. So many are waiting to bring their children home. They got referrals quickly, but then spend months and months waiting to bring them home. The court system is getting slower and is bombarded right now after being closed for a few months. They are hearing court cases in no particular order, which means all the families that had open cases before courts closed in August are not necessarily getting assigned court dates first. Frustrating! We are not at this point yet, but it looks dismal from here.

Some wait for 9+ months only to find out a family member to that child can not be found. Family has to appear in court if the child was relinquished. If not, then at that point, sometimes a child will not be able to be adopted.

I don't want to get caught up in worrying about this now. I want to think about the excitement and positive outcome that will occur from our journey. But today, right now...my forehead is creased with lines.

We think it's a boy

I think we are getting a boy. THINK. We pretty much thought there was a higher chance for this because there are lots of waiting families for girls, but now I am about 85% sure. But, this is an adoption which means anything goes.

Last week our agency called and wanted to know if we would consider twins with a 5 year old sibling. Umm...WHAT? Luckily, they called Josh at work. I may have just said yes without thinking. He called me and we were both just a bit thrown off. 3 children! As much as I would love to scoop them all up, I know that we couldn't be the best parents to them. Going from zero to 3 at one time... as first time parents?? A bit overwhelming. We had to tell them that's not really what we are capable of parenting right now and we don't want to get in over our heads and not be able to be the best parents we can to them. Let's just say this really really sucked. I felt selfish and well...just wrong to say no. Somehow, they read our home study preference wrong and thought we wanted to adopt a few children at once. Talk about a paperwork mistake!

Anyways, we got everything cleared up and our agency told us that because we are open to a boy or a girl, that they think our wait will go quickly as there are 8 families waiting for a girl...so that's gotta mean less families, maybe considerably less, waiting for either a boy or either gender. A boy...a son. Wow.

My nesting is actually turning out to be quite a productive activity for the Hunt household. Everything is finding a place, a need and if not then it's being donated. I would even donate "the evil cat" if Josh wouldn't notice he was missing. Okay, okay...he is kind of (and I'm really stressing kind of) growing on me. I moved my ReLive business to my house this weekend so that I can be set up at home and be near my family when I'm working on my products and orders (although I must admit I would like to be working on a LOT more orders). Looks like next up will be a bathroom remodel (on a tight budget I might add) and then the baby's room once we get a referral.

Ethiopian courts opened today after the close for the rainy season! I'm excited to start seeing a lot of families getting court dates and passing. I'm seeing so many families not passing court the first few times and even going into 3, 4 and 5 times before passing! The online adoption community is becoming my strength and guidance needed to keep me balanced during this wait. I hope and pray that we get a referral before the end of 2009. I'm shooting further out there in hopes we get one soon. Very soon.

Spinning with questions

I think I'm "nesting." I want to rearrange, organize, get rid of stuff we don't use...get MORE space! Granted, I've always been a little (or a lot) like this. I would rearrange my bedroom as a girl until I moved furniture around so much it would barely stay together. This went on as a teen, in college and so forth.

Now, I'm looking around our house imagining where everything is going to go. And, there's so much to do! So many home projects that need to actually come to life. Now is the time. The time to jump on this before we have a little one. Ah...I wish we could take off a month and do all these little projects now before we bring someone new home.

I do suppose all these things will keep us busy. And, I need busy. I need something to take my mind off of the wondering and the flow of questions that constantly surround us. When are we going to get a referral? How long will it take to get a court date? How many times will we have to go through court before we pass? How long will we wait to travel? And HER??? Who is SHE? What's her story? What will lead her to give up her baby? Does she know right now...right at this moment... that this is what she or her family will decide? Will we meet? I find myself always wondering about her. This person, this family. This woman that will change so many lives forever.

I'm checking our Yahoo adoption group several times a day. I want to see other families getting referrals...something that gives me HOPE that ours is coming soon. Yes, we have not been on the list even a month yet, but we really have felt we would be oh-so fortunate and have a short wait. I better get this waiting thing mastered. My heart goes out to the families I'm reading about that have waited weeks, months and years. I could not even imagine.

I love these!

I can not wait to purchase these headphones and put them on our little wee one! They look so adorable.

So much to plan...

So, here I am. Working. As I always do. Imagining what it will be like to try to pull this off with a little one pulling on my arm. When I think about it, it truly does amaze me how women raise families, manage households, be a wife and have a career. And the same for fathers!

I've got the career part down. Check and then check again. Two companies and feeling pretty successful with what I've done with my career.

Household Management. Check. Although, I must admit I am not alone in that job role.

Throw in a baby...and I'm surrendering. I am overwhelmed by what that means for me. How do I do it all? Well, I simply don't. I'm making myself get into the mindset of stepping back and doing what I can with my career while I take a new path in life as a mother. I look forward to more peaceful days of walking in the park and sitting on the porch rocking our baby.

How do you not loose yourself while being the best mother you can be? I think parents shape the life of every human being. Your goals, motivations, morals...for the most part laid out by your parents. We are not the average couple. We don't clock in and clock out. We take those late night phone calls when something at a show goes wrong, when someone is not on the guest list and is freaking out about it or when a band is about ready to walk and not play their set. I don't necessarily want to throw that away. I want a break from it, yes. But, it is my life. It is OUR life together. And I do enjoy it. I just don't enjoy HOW much it runs my life now. I suppose there will be times when we are toting around a toddler at a show. Just hopefully, he/she won't turn into a groupie. :)

And we are officially WAITING

We just got put on the Waiting List today! I can't believe how fast that was from finishing our paperwork. I am in shock. And, all of a sudden...terrified! It's happening so fast.

yea!!

My favorite...

My favorite new poem:

"Never forget for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it. Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously My Own."

-author unknown

Dossier is complete!

It's done! It's in the mail to Washington DC. I am so excited this part of the journey is complete. I feel a huge weight off our shoulders. A big exhale! We should know in a few weeks when we've been added to the Waiting List.

Preparing to prepare

It's been a bit since I last posted. That's because we have been working away at getting our final pieces of our Dossier together. This coming week we will be taking a big step in completing this process. On Monday, we go and get fingerprinted (again) for our 600A form which is a form that processes our request to bring an orphan into the country and make them a US citizen.

On Tuesday, we take at trip to Topeka to get the state of KS to certify and authenticate our Dossier. After that, we will send our paperwork to Washington DC, where the US government and then Ethiopia Embassy in DC will approve it and then send it on it's way to Ethiopia!

Is it possible we could get on the waiting list in September?! I can only hope!

We have been able to enjoy some time away from work this past week and realize that neither one of us has traveled enough. So, in these next few months of "freedom" we've got some places to visit, but knowing at the same time that we can't get it all in before we become parents. Can we be the ultra cool parents that globe trot with our child? We'll see, as that's going to have to be our option in order to visit the places we have yet seen. Anybody want to come along as our "travel nanny" ?? :)

It does feel like the clock is ticking before we lose the lifestyle of doing what we want when we want, but at the same time, as business owners, that hasn't always been the easy option one would think.

As we're looking at the next several months of baby preparation and waiting, we're starting to wonder all of the changes we are going to face. How are we going to give up a spare bedroom for a baby room? I'm really going to have share my "me" girly, creative space room with Josh so he has some space to work from home sometimes too? This makes me laugh because so much is going to change and I know soon that 10 minutes of "me" time will be a blessing in a few months, as opposed to now, when I have an entire room in my house for "me." Okay, okay...yes, I'm definitely spoiled!

My ears are open and my questions are flowing to my friends & family that are parents. Advice, suggestions, stories...I want to hear it all!

We have a new agency

Just got word that we have been accepted by a new international agency, Hope Adoption Agency out of Missouri. Whew! Let's get this process rolling faster. Our Dossier is almost complete and we hope to be able to get on the waiting list for a referral much faster now. Very happy about this!!

We could be starting all over...

We are 90% sure we are switching agencies. This means we would be starting all over with a new international agency. We think the waiting list of families is going to get longer with our current one and if we go with a smaller agency we can hopefully expect our baby home within 1 year. That would include travel. Is this a risky decision? Yes. But, we are also so just anxious to begin this journey and I am the most impatient person in the world. I am sure of it. :) Luckily, we have a good idea of what it would entail to make this switch and we're doing the proper research this time. There is nothing wrong with our current agency other than our concerns that there are just a lot of families working with them right now.
We have a lot of our paperwork together already though so this move would go pretty smooth, I hope. But really, it's an adoption, so the word "smooth" changes meaning in this situation. We are determined to keep our chins up and keep moving forward...

Home Study is wrapping up

Our home visit went really well last week. Now, our home study report is being prepared and now we are working on our Dossier....the official paperwork that the Ethiopian government will review to approve us and get us on the waiting list. We're starting to see the waiting list creep up to 11 and 12 months with our agency. It's a little discouraging, but there are families that have been waiting even longer with other agencies and there are families waiting a shorter period as well. It just varies on the agencies. I'm so impatient so this is very trying for me to imagine waiting a year or more just on the waiting list because after that, we aren't even able to travel to pick up our baby until 4 months after we get information on who they are. One more training session tomorrow night and that should wrap up our required training!

Tuesday is our home visit

So, we have our home visit schedule for this Tuesday. It will consist of a social worker coming to our house to see where we live and conduct interviews with us together and one on one. We'll let you know how it goes!

Completed Parenting Class

Well, we have completed our parenting class at the hospital this week. I made Josh get to class 25 minutes early with me just so we could have the 1 black baby doll in class. He thought I was pretty ridiculous. ;)

We have news from our international agency that the Ethiopian courts will not be closing for the rainy season this year. Normally, they are closed from Aug - Oct and any adoptions that are to be finalized during that time have to wait until the courts open back up again. This is great news for the families that have a pending adoption that is in the Ethiopian courts now! Hopefully, next year they will not close either, as that's when our adoption should be close to being in the hands of the court system there.

Still waiting for our home visit to be scheduled....

Waiting for our Home Visit

Hi there. As many of you know, we are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. I thought this would be the best way to keep our family and friends updated on where we are currently at with this adoption process as we are getting lots of questions. I'm excited everyone is asking what's going on and where we are at with things! It's going to be a long road, so I hope to be able to update this every couple of days.

Right now, we are going thru several different required training courses. We completed an international adoption workshop this weekend. It was a 7 hour workshop! However, we learned a lot and met some other couples going thru the same thing and realize we have a lot more to consider and figure out for our adoption. Not to mention things down the road that we realize we will encounter & our child will encounter. The amount of information being thrown at us is completely overwhelming, but it is necessary to keep our focus (and sanity) so we can just work thru the steps together.

Our first round of paperwork is complete (and was exhausting) and are awaiting a call from our social worker so we can conduct our home visit and interviews in person. Once we get this process under way, we will be able to focus on getting our 2nd round of paperwork together...the DOSSIER, which will be what the Ethiopian government will see once we have a "referral" (child).

So, our focus this week is to attend our 2nd parenting class at the hospital and watch some videos. So much training! :)