Thursday, July 15, 2010

A moment to reflect

One month ago today we met Gadisa. One month ago today, our worlds forever changed. I picked up his tiny, fragile body. I studied him. He studied me. We saw each other. He smiled and I was forever in awe. I inhaled him. I touched him. I was in shock that moment had arrived. He was skinny and petite. So much smaller than we thought. Now, he's getting chunky little baby legs, a round belly and fat little cheeks. Aside from the expected changes of becoming a parent I am discovering a peacefulness I have only momentarily brushed on here and there in the past. It's not like I went out and was looking to find anything I was missing except him. However, this peace found me. It's as if it was always meant to be. This exact child. This exact life. I felt an urgency when we were completing our adoption paperwork. I wasn't sure why. I just felt this rush, like it had to be completed as fast as possible so we could get on the waiting list. Our agency was shocked when we turned in our Dossier so quickly. Now, I understand why we had to rush. Gadisa was waiting. This very exact little boy was made. He was alive. He needed us and we needed him. We were always supposed to be. To finally know Gadisa now...well, it's overwhelming with emotion. When I think of this, I always find my way to his birth parents. They were his pathway into this world and we now hold his hand through it. They are always in my mind, always in my heart and so important to us.

Being his mother is so natural. My days of being at work are now filled up with tummy time in the sunshine, swinging on the front porch and tending to our house and making it our home. I realize how much sitting in front of a computer for hours each day has blocked living my life and has made me miss so much of the day to day of it. The simplicity of it. Granted, it's nice to be out and about and in an office with creative, fun people and I know it's good to get out and interact, but right now is for a different time. Now is for enjoying it all as much as possible as I know the days are numbered. He will be walking, he will be running, he will be in school before we know it. Right now, I don't want to miss a thing. However, reality is in the back of my mind and that's okay too. I worked really, really hard for my job and it allows me to live the life I choose . But, right, I am just being me with my son and Josh. Living our lives. Spending each and every day with sweet, beautiful Gadisa.


  1. beautiful

    I wish we lived just down the road so you two could trek over one sunny morning and we could sit on the deck sipping homemade iced tea and being amazed at this gift that is motherhood.
    for now I guess cyber land will have to do.
    I'm so happy for you Casey. this kind of peace is a rare and wonderful gift.

  2. it is the truest and most affirming peace. it is so unique and special and made completely of love and belonging. i am really happy for you too.

  3. Hi -- my name is Abby and we also adopted our son from Hope Adoption. He came home in January of this year at 6 months old. I've enjoyed reading your blog -- it brings back a lot of memories and I share your sentiments on first-time motherhood and how incredibly wonderful it is. Gadisa is beautiful and you look so very happy. Congratulations!