There is a reason for this.

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Looking for something...hope? Or, maybe just sleep? Our trip to Boulder was fun, but full of problematic scenarios. Work didn't quite give us a break for those few days. We returned in a daze and with desperation to make some necessary changes to save our sanity...and our business.

Last Wednesday, while we were on our trip, Josh asked me to give up my office that my marketing team works out of (which happens to be a house Josh and I own) and move into his office house to save money for the business. Smart decision as it will save us money in return and we can rent out this house and still make a good investment for us. By Saturday, the move was complete. Thank GOD for the amazing family of co workers we have. We are so grateful for these people and for jumping in at the last minute to help with the move. This was hard for me. Everyone who knows me knows I like my space. I have a very set way of decorating and arranging my world so that I can be productive and creative. Letting go of this office space was the end of an era. Now, we're working back in the same office. Just like the beginning. Just like how we met and became us. I do have to say, it makes me nostalgic and excited at the same time to have a new era beginning. This is good. I could use something fun right now. Fun hasn't been the theme the last few days. This week we had to let go or drastically cut back about 1/2 of our employees and let me just say that we have about 15 employees so this took a huge chunk out of our team. This is personal. This is like family. This hurts. We don't want to let anyone down. We tried to do everything we could to avoid this. Now, we are another statistic of this freakin' economy downslide. I have been sad about this, mad about this, distraught about this, depressed about this and just plain pissed off about this. I know I need to have faith this will turn around. Come spring, I'm sure we'll have the business back and we can slowly bring everyone back into the fold...I think...I hope. I want to stop thinking about it. I want Josh to stop stressing about it and be able to sleep at night. Small business world. So different than the corporate world. So much more personal.

So, the last 5 days have been work during the day and get our other house ready to rent out after work.

I've been following the adoption online groups this week and seeing some serious problems with families getting stuck in the adoption bureaucratic madness of paperwork. So many children that families are waiting on to come home are not "paper ready" which basically means more waiting, more stress, more tears and more insanity for those families. I'm getting discouraged by reading these posts but I'm also seeing the strength that one has to take on in an international adoption process. I know we'll take each step as it comes as we have no other choice, but in the mist of our personal chaos in other aspects of our lives this just feels like another beat down. Maybe it's just this week, maybe it's just this day, but I definitely need to see a little face very soon to put some of my anxiousness at ease. Or perhaps, I should find the time to turn all of this off for a few days and just live. Quite checking on the adoption. Reach out to the numerous friends I've faded away from recently. If any of you are reading this, I apologize. I've just put my head down and haven't looked up and tried to jump over the hurdles that have come our way recently. I wish I was better at reaching out right now, but I'm just hibernating to get my soul back up to par.

The world works in mysterious ways and I'm just floating through them right now knowing that how this is going to happen is how it's going to happen and there is a reason for that. A very important life changing reason. Our child.

Ahh..Boulder

So, we hit the road this week and headed to one of our favorite places...Boulder, Co. A few days away is just what we needed to exhale and put in some good self exploration and thinking time.

Maybe someday we'll make our way to a home here...we'll see. In the meantime, just enjoying the last few months of just the two of us.

Coffee fundraiser

A family that I've met in Lawrence that is also adopting from Ethiopia is raising money for their adoption by selling coffee.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheLovins

Coffee is the biggest export out of Ethiopia so this ties in nicely with adopting from this country.

If you read the About info on this company, the guy who owns it also adopted from Ethiopia.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/about.htm

I love this idea and just had to share! I will definitely be purchasing my coffee here.

You can also purchase just one bag one time if you click on the image of the coffee you want and ignore the membership portion at the top.

Happy coffee drinking!

A little practice never hurt anyone

This weekend we have taken on an adventure. My niece and nephews have stayed with us. We've had them since 4:46pm (exactly :) on Friday and they will be going back this evening. Normally, we only take them for 1 night at a time, but we were up for the challenge of a 6, 8 and 11 year old all weekend. Well, technically we only had Jake (11) for 1 night. Generally, I'm ready for them to hustle out the door when my sister picks them up. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore them, but in the past I'm just ready for "ME" time again much sooner after a night with the kiddos. This time around it's different. In all my preparation to become a parent, I've just naturally accepted this weekend as real life. A big "WHAT IF?" Being older it's much easier as they can keep themselves busier than an infant would, but I've found this weekend to be a delight. Yes, a delight. I've answered about 536 questions on every topic imaginable. Then, sit back and giggle as they come up with their own answers.

I would have to say that given the situation, if we get referred more than 1 child, we could and would definitely do this. My niece and nephews make me enjoy the little moments more. Take yesterday for example. A day out at the dog park. A 2 hour adventure in nature. We hiked, we jumped over mud pits, we climbed rocks, caught frogs...just stopped living any other moment than what was happening. Right then, right there. There I was sitting on the rocks by the water, the sun warming my face and the sounds of them..."Look I caught another one!" It was a glimpse into my future. A glimpse that made me forget about work, about a messy house, about email and ReLive products...just a sunny Saturday afternoon and I loved every moment of it. Every.

Deep in thought

Confused. Deep in thought. Biting my lip. This is how I'm spending my Sunday evening. I just read some posts on our Yahoo group from other families with our agency. So many are waiting to bring their children home. They got referrals quickly, but then spend months and months waiting to bring them home. The court system is getting slower and is bombarded right now after being closed for a few months. They are hearing court cases in no particular order, which means all the families that had open cases before courts closed in August are not necessarily getting assigned court dates first. Frustrating! We are not at this point yet, but it looks dismal from here.

Some wait for 9+ months only to find out a family member to that child can not be found. Family has to appear in court if the child was relinquished. If not, then at that point, sometimes a child will not be able to be adopted.

I don't want to get caught up in worrying about this now. I want to think about the excitement and positive outcome that will occur from our journey. But today, right now...my forehead is creased with lines.

We think it's a boy

I think we are getting a boy. THINK. We pretty much thought there was a higher chance for this because there are lots of waiting families for girls, but now I am about 85% sure. But, this is an adoption which means anything goes.

Last week our agency called and wanted to know if we would consider twins with a 5 year old sibling. Umm...WHAT? Luckily, they called Josh at work. I may have just said yes without thinking. He called me and we were both just a bit thrown off. 3 children! As much as I would love to scoop them all up, I know that we couldn't be the best parents to them. Going from zero to 3 at one time... as first time parents?? A bit overwhelming. We had to tell them that's not really what we are capable of parenting right now and we don't want to get in over our heads and not be able to be the best parents we can to them. Let's just say this really really sucked. I felt selfish and well...just wrong to say no. Somehow, they read our home study preference wrong and thought we wanted to adopt a few children at once. Talk about a paperwork mistake!

Anyways, we got everything cleared up and our agency told us that because we are open to a boy or a girl, that they think our wait will go quickly as there are 8 families waiting for a girl...so that's gotta mean less families, maybe considerably less, waiting for either a boy or either gender. A boy...a son. Wow.

My nesting is actually turning out to be quite a productive activity for the Hunt household. Everything is finding a place, a need and if not then it's being donated. I would even donate "the evil cat" if Josh wouldn't notice he was missing. Okay, okay...he is kind of (and I'm really stressing kind of) growing on me. I moved my ReLive business to my house this weekend so that I can be set up at home and be near my family when I'm working on my products and orders (although I must admit I would like to be working on a LOT more orders). Looks like next up will be a bathroom remodel (on a tight budget I might add) and then the baby's room once we get a referral.

Ethiopian courts opened today after the close for the rainy season! I'm excited to start seeing a lot of families getting court dates and passing. I'm seeing so many families not passing court the first few times and even going into 3, 4 and 5 times before passing! The online adoption community is becoming my strength and guidance needed to keep me balanced during this wait. I hope and pray that we get a referral before the end of 2009. I'm shooting further out there in hopes we get one soon. Very soon.

Spinning with questions

I think I'm "nesting." I want to rearrange, organize, get rid of stuff we don't use...get MORE space! Granted, I've always been a little (or a lot) like this. I would rearrange my bedroom as a girl until I moved furniture around so much it would barely stay together. This went on as a teen, in college and so forth.

Now, I'm looking around our house imagining where everything is going to go. And, there's so much to do! So many home projects that need to actually come to life. Now is the time. The time to jump on this before we have a little one. Ah...I wish we could take off a month and do all these little projects now before we bring someone new home.

I do suppose all these things will keep us busy. And, I need busy. I need something to take my mind off of the wondering and the flow of questions that constantly surround us. When are we going to get a referral? How long will it take to get a court date? How many times will we have to go through court before we pass? How long will we wait to travel? And HER??? Who is SHE? What's her story? What will lead her to give up her baby? Does she know right now...right at this moment... that this is what she or her family will decide? Will we meet? I find myself always wondering about her. This person, this family. This woman that will change so many lives forever.

I'm checking our Yahoo adoption group several times a day. I want to see other families getting referrals...something that gives me HOPE that ours is coming soon. Yes, we have not been on the list even a month yet, but we really have felt we would be oh-so fortunate and have a short wait. I better get this waiting thing mastered. My heart goes out to the families I'm reading about that have waited weeks, months and years. I could not even imagine.