Someday...

Dear baby(ies),

Someday today will be shared with you. Someday our anticipation will be no more. Someday I will not wake up wondering as my first thought of the day and my last moment before sleep washes over me. Someday I will hold you, squeeze you, kiss you all over. Someday we will remember now and you'll understand how much you are loved and wanted. Someday you will grow up strong and healthy and know and love your country as much as we do. Someday you will ask questions and I will too. Someday you will be here with us. Flesh, bones, smiles, laughter, YOU. Someday will be the most breathtaking, wonderful moments of our lives. Someday we will wonder no more. Someday...we will know.

Past the 6 month mark

Wednesday marked our 6 month anniversary in our adoption journey. Six months ago we decided to adopt and file paperwork with an agency. Six months later, here we are. Waiting. Just in the right spot as we should be. We were holding our breath on Thursday because when we got on the waiting list, that was Josh's guess of the day we were getting a referral. I think we'll have a referral by Xmas. Or, I should say I HOPE we have a referral by Xmas.

This has been a pretty good week. Feeling more positive than the last couple of weeks. Getting used to the transition of working in the same office as Josh. Our rental house is almost ready to rent out. The sun has been shining this week. I'm feeling pretty calm and collected right now.

The calmness after the storm...

There is a reason for this.

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Looking for something...hope? Or, maybe just sleep? Our trip to Boulder was fun, but full of problematic scenarios. Work didn't quite give us a break for those few days. We returned in a daze and with desperation to make some necessary changes to save our sanity...and our business.

Last Wednesday, while we were on our trip, Josh asked me to give up my office that my marketing team works out of (which happens to be a house Josh and I own) and move into his office house to save money for the business. Smart decision as it will save us money in return and we can rent out this house and still make a good investment for us. By Saturday, the move was complete. Thank GOD for the amazing family of co workers we have. We are so grateful for these people and for jumping in at the last minute to help with the move. This was hard for me. Everyone who knows me knows I like my space. I have a very set way of decorating and arranging my world so that I can be productive and creative. Letting go of this office space was the end of an era. Now, we're working back in the same office. Just like the beginning. Just like how we met and became us. I do have to say, it makes me nostalgic and excited at the same time to have a new era beginning. This is good. I could use something fun right now. Fun hasn't been the theme the last few days. This week we had to let go or drastically cut back about 1/2 of our employees and let me just say that we have about 15 employees so this took a huge chunk out of our team. This is personal. This is like family. This hurts. We don't want to let anyone down. We tried to do everything we could to avoid this. Now, we are another statistic of this freakin' economy downslide. I have been sad about this, mad about this, distraught about this, depressed about this and just plain pissed off about this. I know I need to have faith this will turn around. Come spring, I'm sure we'll have the business back and we can slowly bring everyone back into the fold...I think...I hope. I want to stop thinking about it. I want Josh to stop stressing about it and be able to sleep at night. Small business world. So different than the corporate world. So much more personal.

So, the last 5 days have been work during the day and get our other house ready to rent out after work.

I've been following the adoption online groups this week and seeing some serious problems with families getting stuck in the adoption bureaucratic madness of paperwork. So many children that families are waiting on to come home are not "paper ready" which basically means more waiting, more stress, more tears and more insanity for those families. I'm getting discouraged by reading these posts but I'm also seeing the strength that one has to take on in an international adoption process. I know we'll take each step as it comes as we have no other choice, but in the mist of our personal chaos in other aspects of our lives this just feels like another beat down. Maybe it's just this week, maybe it's just this day, but I definitely need to see a little face very soon to put some of my anxiousness at ease. Or perhaps, I should find the time to turn all of this off for a few days and just live. Quite checking on the adoption. Reach out to the numerous friends I've faded away from recently. If any of you are reading this, I apologize. I've just put my head down and haven't looked up and tried to jump over the hurdles that have come our way recently. I wish I was better at reaching out right now, but I'm just hibernating to get my soul back up to par.

The world works in mysterious ways and I'm just floating through them right now knowing that how this is going to happen is how it's going to happen and there is a reason for that. A very important life changing reason. Our child.

Ahh..Boulder

So, we hit the road this week and headed to one of our favorite places...Boulder, Co. A few days away is just what we needed to exhale and put in some good self exploration and thinking time.

Maybe someday we'll make our way to a home here...we'll see. In the meantime, just enjoying the last few months of just the two of us.