Someday...

Dear baby(ies),

Someday today will be shared with you. Someday our anticipation will be no more. Someday I will not wake up wondering as my first thought of the day and my last moment before sleep washes over me. Someday I will hold you, squeeze you, kiss you all over. Someday we will remember now and you'll understand how much you are loved and wanted. Someday you will grow up strong and healthy and know and love your country as much as we do. Someday you will ask questions and I will too. Someday you will be here with us. Flesh, bones, smiles, laughter, YOU. Someday will be the most breathtaking, wonderful moments of our lives. Someday we will wonder no more. Someday...we will know.

Past the 6 month mark

Wednesday marked our 6 month anniversary in our adoption journey. Six months ago we decided to adopt and file paperwork with an agency. Six months later, here we are. Waiting. Just in the right spot as we should be. We were holding our breath on Thursday because when we got on the waiting list, that was Josh's guess of the day we were getting a referral. I think we'll have a referral by Xmas. Or, I should say I HOPE we have a referral by Xmas.

This has been a pretty good week. Feeling more positive than the last couple of weeks. Getting used to the transition of working in the same office as Josh. Our rental house is almost ready to rent out. The sun has been shining this week. I'm feeling pretty calm and collected right now.

The calmness after the storm...

There is a reason for this.

Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Looking for something...hope? Or, maybe just sleep? Our trip to Boulder was fun, but full of problematic scenarios. Work didn't quite give us a break for those few days. We returned in a daze and with desperation to make some necessary changes to save our sanity...and our business.

Last Wednesday, while we were on our trip, Josh asked me to give up my office that my marketing team works out of (which happens to be a house Josh and I own) and move into his office house to save money for the business. Smart decision as it will save us money in return and we can rent out this house and still make a good investment for us. By Saturday, the move was complete. Thank GOD for the amazing family of co workers we have. We are so grateful for these people and for jumping in at the last minute to help with the move. This was hard for me. Everyone who knows me knows I like my space. I have a very set way of decorating and arranging my world so that I can be productive and creative. Letting go of this office space was the end of an era. Now, we're working back in the same office. Just like the beginning. Just like how we met and became us. I do have to say, it makes me nostalgic and excited at the same time to have a new era beginning. This is good. I could use something fun right now. Fun hasn't been the theme the last few days. This week we had to let go or drastically cut back about 1/2 of our employees and let me just say that we have about 15 employees so this took a huge chunk out of our team. This is personal. This is like family. This hurts. We don't want to let anyone down. We tried to do everything we could to avoid this. Now, we are another statistic of this freakin' economy downslide. I have been sad about this, mad about this, distraught about this, depressed about this and just plain pissed off about this. I know I need to have faith this will turn around. Come spring, I'm sure we'll have the business back and we can slowly bring everyone back into the fold...I think...I hope. I want to stop thinking about it. I want Josh to stop stressing about it and be able to sleep at night. Small business world. So different than the corporate world. So much more personal.

So, the last 5 days have been work during the day and get our other house ready to rent out after work.

I've been following the adoption online groups this week and seeing some serious problems with families getting stuck in the adoption bureaucratic madness of paperwork. So many children that families are waiting on to come home are not "paper ready" which basically means more waiting, more stress, more tears and more insanity for those families. I'm getting discouraged by reading these posts but I'm also seeing the strength that one has to take on in an international adoption process. I know we'll take each step as it comes as we have no other choice, but in the mist of our personal chaos in other aspects of our lives this just feels like another beat down. Maybe it's just this week, maybe it's just this day, but I definitely need to see a little face very soon to put some of my anxiousness at ease. Or perhaps, I should find the time to turn all of this off for a few days and just live. Quite checking on the adoption. Reach out to the numerous friends I've faded away from recently. If any of you are reading this, I apologize. I've just put my head down and haven't looked up and tried to jump over the hurdles that have come our way recently. I wish I was better at reaching out right now, but I'm just hibernating to get my soul back up to par.

The world works in mysterious ways and I'm just floating through them right now knowing that how this is going to happen is how it's going to happen and there is a reason for that. A very important life changing reason. Our child.

Ahh..Boulder

So, we hit the road this week and headed to one of our favorite places...Boulder, Co. A few days away is just what we needed to exhale and put in some good self exploration and thinking time.

Maybe someday we'll make our way to a home here...we'll see. In the meantime, just enjoying the last few months of just the two of us.

Coffee fundraiser

A family that I've met in Lawrence that is also adopting from Ethiopia is raising money for their adoption by selling coffee.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheLovins

Coffee is the biggest export out of Ethiopia so this ties in nicely with adopting from this country.

If you read the About info on this company, the guy who owns it also adopted from Ethiopia.

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/about.htm

I love this idea and just had to share! I will definitely be purchasing my coffee here.

You can also purchase just one bag one time if you click on the image of the coffee you want and ignore the membership portion at the top.

Happy coffee drinking!

A little practice never hurt anyone

This weekend we have taken on an adventure. My niece and nephews have stayed with us. We've had them since 4:46pm (exactly :) on Friday and they will be going back this evening. Normally, we only take them for 1 night at a time, but we were up for the challenge of a 6, 8 and 11 year old all weekend. Well, technically we only had Jake (11) for 1 night. Generally, I'm ready for them to hustle out the door when my sister picks them up. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore them, but in the past I'm just ready for "ME" time again much sooner after a night with the kiddos. This time around it's different. In all my preparation to become a parent, I've just naturally accepted this weekend as real life. A big "WHAT IF?" Being older it's much easier as they can keep themselves busier than an infant would, but I've found this weekend to be a delight. Yes, a delight. I've answered about 536 questions on every topic imaginable. Then, sit back and giggle as they come up with their own answers.

I would have to say that given the situation, if we get referred more than 1 child, we could and would definitely do this. My niece and nephews make me enjoy the little moments more. Take yesterday for example. A day out at the dog park. A 2 hour adventure in nature. We hiked, we jumped over mud pits, we climbed rocks, caught frogs...just stopped living any other moment than what was happening. Right then, right there. There I was sitting on the rocks by the water, the sun warming my face and the sounds of them..."Look I caught another one!" It was a glimpse into my future. A glimpse that made me forget about work, about a messy house, about email and ReLive products...just a sunny Saturday afternoon and I loved every moment of it. Every.

Deep in thought

Confused. Deep in thought. Biting my lip. This is how I'm spending my Sunday evening. I just read some posts on our Yahoo group from other families with our agency. So many are waiting to bring their children home. They got referrals quickly, but then spend months and months waiting to bring them home. The court system is getting slower and is bombarded right now after being closed for a few months. They are hearing court cases in no particular order, which means all the families that had open cases before courts closed in August are not necessarily getting assigned court dates first. Frustrating! We are not at this point yet, but it looks dismal from here.

Some wait for 9+ months only to find out a family member to that child can not be found. Family has to appear in court if the child was relinquished. If not, then at that point, sometimes a child will not be able to be adopted.

I don't want to get caught up in worrying about this now. I want to think about the excitement and positive outcome that will occur from our journey. But today, right now...my forehead is creased with lines.